Monday, October 24, 2011

Till Death Do Us Part

I came across the below post on facebook and I HAD to share with you all.  It is a long read but one you will not regret!

In a relationship, married or not…you should read this!

“When I got 
home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy.

With that said, I just wish people could understand the sacredness of marriage and the commitment that comes with it.  I've always maintained that IF I ever get married, it will be to a man that treasures and understands love the way I do;  1Corinthians 13v 4 -8.

Have a great week and Stay Blessed xoxo


Tshego said...

Oh wow! My heart is actually pounding so hard after reading this piece. It's amazing how we often think that the grass is greener on the other side when we don't even take time out to nurture our own. We are often never satisfied with what we have and it's often the best for us at the time. I pray and hope that this helps us with all relationships with have with others because there's so much pain that comes with being selfish at their expense. There's power in the piece,thought provoking.Sjoe!! Props to those who remain selfless but we need to remember it's not in our own strength. It's ALL God. Thank you for sharing gal :)

Anonymous said...

The Bible doesn't tell us what God added to what he took from the man to create a woman- I think it was a lot of LOVE because with love they protect, feed, reunite, heal and support- This letter is not only about marriage its is also about the strength of a woman- I wish this could remind women of the power they possess-- Tx Neo --- Kenny Mabona

Neo said...

@Tshego, ja no...I got so emotional reading it and hence I shared with everyone. Ja no, its all God my friend.
@Kenny, DUDE!! You got my heart smiling, such a beautiful comment! You're an amazing God-loving man & I am so proud of the man you are and feel so blessed to have you as my friend.

Stay blessed my beautiful friends xoxo

Nomonde said...

Eish!!tears in my eyes. And its always the little things that make the most difference in life but funny enough those are the things we forget 1st. Thanks for sharing Neo

Gaopalelwe said...

I have printed this...I know what to do with it! Thanks Neo!

Anonymous said...


the architect said...

This is so sublime and captivating. I bet you that this man knew (theoretically), like all of us, that it's the small things that count the most yet he still forgot/neglected this truth, it is situations like these that give life to John 15:5 "..without me, ye can do nothing", yes Tshego...amen to that!
I pray that when my time comes, God will give me the understanding and strength to be the man He wants me to be in my marriage, my relationships, my life. All of His creations have depth that we humans underestimate because Darwin said we are the most sophisticated. This woman was truly a blessing and I paragon her humility with Christ's, she was so selfless, and God Himself says that's what love is. Amazing, thank you for this Neo.